THE QUESTIONS

NEW KID ON THE SUB STACK BLOCK

I have felt a calling lately to something that has more substance, more than what an Instagram grid can offer to a conversation. Something that invites me to dive deeper into the things that call to me, the questions that I ask myself.

There is a deep truth in life — as in science — that each of us is shaped as much by the quality of the questions we are asking as by the answers we have in us to give.

This way of thinking, this notion, is from a poem by the greatest German poet Rainer Maria Rilke, anchored in a passage from his Letters to a Young Poet in the early 20th century.

This poem came to me in 2017. I remember it vividly the first time I read it. I was going through a breakup right before I built up the courage to move to NYC. I remember the feeling stirring up inside me, this longing for change or something vastly different from the existence I was living. I was unsure if it was just a human need for constant change or if it was a personality trait or by-product of my undiagnosed ADHD.

He wrote, “Be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

I read a lot of poetry at the time, the deep parts of me felt this need to use words in a way to trigger an emotion and to help me make sense of all these new feelings I did not know what to do with, but just sit with it and feel it.

What spoke to me most about Rilke’s writing was this permission to keep searching, that no feeling was final, a contrast to living in a world where we are so used to having answers for everything.

Like all seasons of life, I’ve ebb’d and flowed through spirituality in some seasons needing it more than others. But recently find myself coming back to the wisdom that he speaks, as I find myself going through a season of deep change, nearing 33, feeling my body calling to motherhood, feeling my work longing for more depth, and a never-ending feeling of being unsatisfied no matter how many goals and milestones I have once dreamed of and achieved.

Those moments in our lives when questions arise. There is an invitation here to engage in a new adventure of curiosity and reverence for the questions that are alive and in you and the world you feel drawn to.

And because I’m sick of asking myself how can I be more human in this online world and getting no answers.  I’ve decided to turn these questions into something deeper, more tangible, more human, and more creative.

So you will find me here, occasionally, sharing mostly fashion, a lotta cute fits, my mind's ramblings, and a bunch of other beautiful shit my heart desires.